I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
