i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize