i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
