my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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