I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
