White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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