She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
