If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
