I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He shit in the fireplace
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
