Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
