Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
