I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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