Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
