no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
