I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
