guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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