is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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