Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
