he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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