He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
