i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
