i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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