Everything about him screamed your future.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
