Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize