We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
