remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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