Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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