To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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