how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
