have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
