Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i think i just lost a toe
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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