Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
