Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
