guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
