I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
