no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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