This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
