Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
