There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
