I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
