Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
