he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
