After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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