I think I died a long time ago.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
