Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
