Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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