too bad you live with your parents still
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
