so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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