If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
