Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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