Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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