There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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