I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
