"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
