just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
