Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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