why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
