anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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