dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
