This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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