I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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