I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
