thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
