So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
