Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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