Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
