i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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