I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
