It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
