Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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