Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
