Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
