you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
