Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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