i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
