He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
