I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
