Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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