My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
