Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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