reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
