I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
