Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
