Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
