I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
