well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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