Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize