I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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