seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
