I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
