Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
