she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
