Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
