i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
