Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
