just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
