Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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