Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
