I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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