I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We need to get me chipped asap
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
