If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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