dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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