Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ladies don't puke and tell
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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