Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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