Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
