I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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