I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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