My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
