I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
