Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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