Your tits are I can't wait for
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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