OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
