its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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