I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
