i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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